


and ill forget the world that i knew, but i swear i wont forget you

by gingerbread man (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And JohnDave, But there are actual words too, Even better!, From Vanilla Twilight, From an Owl City song, I just really like Owl City, It's from a song, M/M, Owl City and JohnDave are great, Pesterchum heavy fic, Post-Sburb, Promise, Title is purposely lowercase and grammatically incorrect, together?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 12:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4221942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/gingerbread%20man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know they're worried about you.</p><p>(and you're worried, too.</p><p>but not about yourself --</p><p>about death and blood and blue eyes that haunt your dreams and make your chest ache.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	and ill forget the world that i knew, but i swear i wont forget you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure...what...this is? I just kind of got the idea, it popped into my head while I was watching a movie the other night and I wrote it down.

tentacleTherapist [TT]began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Hello.

TG: uh hi

TG: you need something important because im kind of super fucking busy here

TT: What exactly is it you’re doing?

TG: none of your damn business thats what

TT: Rude, Dave. I am a woman scorned.

TG: youre a woman lying

TG: now what the fuck do you need

TG: im actually busy contrary to popular belief

TT: Call me impressed.

TT: Jade and I are worried about you - she more than I, but I promised her I would handle the situation.

TG: what the fuck

TG: why are you worried

TT: I think you know why.

TG: ok so maybe i have a little ptsd but dont we all

TG: that game was the single most horrifying thing ive ever experienced

TG: and you know i was a little shocked when i just woke up in my bed and my bro was still fucking alive so yeah

TG: but yall dont need to be worried

TT: Dave, your Texan is showing.

TG: oh im sorry let me just mask my damn heritage

TT: See, this is exactly why we’ve got concerns. Usually, you would laugh something like that off. Instead, you responded with a snarky quip.

TG: alright so what

TG: we are related it runs in the family

TT: I suppose that’s true, Dave. But we still have concerns.

TG: about what

TT: You.

TT: And the fact that you can’t seem to get over him.

TG: who the fuck is him

TT: Dave, don’t play dumb with me. You know exactly who I mean by, “him.”

TG: yeah i guess i do

TG: alright so fucking what, i cant get over him, big deal

TG: i was kind of in love with him you know

TT: Yes, but you can’t let that love kill you slowly.

TG: well maybe i want to die

TG: maybe if i die ill actually fucking see him again

TG: rose we didnt even find the body

TG: that fucking hurts

TT: Yes, I know, but your behavior is disconcerting and highly concerning to all who know you.

TT: And so, I come to you with a proposition.

TG: yeah what

TT: We have a funeral for him.

TG: excuse me

TG: i literally just said we didnt find the body

TT: It’s called a memorial, Dave - have you ever heard of it?

TG: yes rose dont talk to me like im fucking five

TG: i know what a memorial is, thanks

TT: Apologies. I didn’t know you would take it as a jab at your intelligence, which it was not.

TG: shocking

TT: If we hold a “funeral,” for him, will you attend?

TG: no promises

TT: Dave.

TG: rose

TT: You can’t joke your way around this.

TT: You’ve tried with everything else and have succeeded in the slightest, but this you will not joke your way out of. I refuse to let you.

TG: ok yes fine

TG: if you get off my back and let me finish what im doing, i will come to your fucking little memorial thing for him

TG: are you happy?

TT: More than usual, yes.

TT: Next Tuesday, eight sharp. Be there. Make sure you’re presentable.

TT: If Jade messages you, please don’t ignore her.

TG: a lalonde saying please i am shocked

TT: Shocking, isn’t it?

TG: yes very

TT: Don’t ignore Jade.

TG: theres the demanding lalonde i know

TG: if she messages me ill answer ok

TG: that satisfy you

TT: I suppose so.

TT: Goodbye, Dave.

TG: later

turntechGodhead [TG]ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Your name is DAVE STRIDER.

And your ectobiological sister ROSE LALONDE is the _worst_.

(except she really isn’t, because there are things much worse than her odd form of motherly care, like puppets and death and blood and blue eyes that hurt your chest.

so you guess, no, your ectobiological sister is not that bad.)

* * *

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: dave!!!

GG: how are you today??

TG: guess im alright, how about you harley

GG: pretty good!!

GG: i was kinda sad yesterday, but then bec cheered me up and i feel better today

TG: well that sounds peachy

GG: aww, youre so sad

TG: what all i said was that sounds peachy

TG: that makes me sad

GG: yes dave :(

GG: youre less sarcastic than you used to be!!! i can see it

TG: see it? you can see it

TG: you can see it over pesterchum

TG: over an instant messaging thing

TG: from your scenic island

TG: wait are you coming to the memorial

GG: it hurts to know you thought i wouldnt be!!!

GG: of course, dave, im flying into washington

GG: you live there, right?? in washington

TG: yes and frankly it scares me that you know that

TG: jade im concerned youre plotting to kill me and hide the body

GG: yes dave, ive spent nights planning out your death

GG: rose even found me a place to hide the body

TG: knew it

TG: but yeah im in washington

TG: moved here a month back or so, figured bro wouldnt care

TG: he didnt

GG: well, we are seventeen now!!!

GG: adults!!!!

TG: practically

TG: actually i think seventeen is legal in washington

TG: you live on an island so i guess whatever age you are youre an adult

TG: you make the damn rules

TG: harley for mayor

TG: bec for president

GG: haha dave, shut up!!!

GG: its good youre joking, though

GG: i know you still message his account sometimes

TG: thats ridiculous

TG: i dont fucking do that

GG: dave.

TG: jade

GG: yes, you do

GG: dont worry, its nothing to be ashamed of

GG: sometimes i do too

GG: i just kind of…wonder if he might reply??? even if i know he wont

TG: i feel ya harley

TG: you wish hed miraculously respond to you

TG: even though you know that icons never gonna light up again

TG: i get it but i dont know if lalonde does

GG: no, she does

GG: between you and me, she does it sometimes too

GG: only when she feels really bad though!!!!!!!

GG: and i mean really, really bad!!

TG: i get it

GG: dont use that as blackmail, dave

GG: im watching you

TG: didnt plan on it, lalondes got all kinds of shit on me

GG: hahaha!!!

GG: well, its time to feed bec, ive gotta go

GG: see you in a few weeks??

TG: you bet

turntechGodhead [TG]ceased pesteringgardenGnostic [GG]

You want to stay inside all day.

You do not want to go to a memorial -- you don’t even want to go to the grocery store or to the chinese place on the corner.

You haven’t cleaned in months, and you don’t remember the last time you ate a meal that didn’t come back up as soon as it was mingling with your stomach acid.

But you guess that’s okay, because you’ve got your sister Rose, and the oddball girl you just finished conversing with. Her name is JADE HARLEY. It’s been awhile since the two of you have talked, but you can tell she’s worried.

Unlike Rose, she skirts around it. Jade doesn’t like to stir things up.

(you don’t mind it when people don’t say what’s on their mind, but sometimes you wish they would.

because it’s all about you, anyway.

and you guess they’re preserving your feelings, but they don’t know that there isn’t much there for them to preserve. maybe a piece or two of your broken heart --

but otherwise, there is nothing. you are empty.)

* * *

You try to look presentable for the memorial, but you know you don’t. You’re wearing a blue suit (“What a strange color choice, Dave.” \- “yeah, im with rose!! why blue, dave??”) and your shades, which feel heavy and unusual on your face. It’s been months since you’ve worn them, because there wasn’t anyone around to laugh at you or tell you about your “devil eyes.”

You sit in the back row of the church. Jade and Rose sit with you, even though it’s easy to tell they’d rather be right up front. This had been their doing, anyway. You’re glad Rose hasn’t gone all out with this, even though you hadn’t expected her to. The only guests are the three of you and few others, probably family members.

There’s a priest and a casket the color of your suit, and you know it’s empty but you try to pretend that it isn’t.

(it works, for a while.

you can imagine the lid propped up, the inside lined with golden silk, and the still form of your best bro/the love of your life in there. his hair is still black and still messy, and his eyes are closed but beneath pale eyelids they glow like they did when he was alive.

you have to excuse yourself because you feel ready to cry --

even though you’re a strider, and striders don’t cry.)

* * *

After the service had come to an end, you’d been prepared to return home and crawl back into bed, the same place you’ve stayed for months on end. But Jade and Rose had insisted on taking you out for dinner, and you had agreed; who are you to deny a free meal?

They talk and talk and talk amongst themselves, mainly about how beautiful the memorial was. You eventually interject (“yeah it was cool and all, but i think it wouldve been better outdoors, during the spring”) and try to ignore the sympathetic looks that both girls pass you.

Rose gives you a smile, _that_ smile, the one she had last gave you when you had broken down over his in-game death ( “I was certain he would be reincarnated, but I suppose his sacrifice was the one needed to end the game.”) that shows you how sympathetic she is, how bad she feels for you.

Jade gives you one too, and it is also the same one from that day (“that was one of the most heroic things ive ever seen!!! he did it dave, arent you proud of him??”) that shows you how badly she also feels, even though she masks it better. You’re supposed to be good at hiding your emotions, but you never have been.

(you used to tell yourself you were, because you were a strider, and that was how bro raised you to be.

stoic and perfect at hiding your emotions, no matter what you went through.

but you never could seem to get the hang of it; being stoic, that you caught onto quick, there wasn’t even a struggle in making yourself a poker face.

and you would try to hide your emotions, but it never worked.

you just don’t remember when you stopped trying harder to.)

* * *

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum!

TG: man egbert cant even get your ass online for me

TG: rude

(you try to imagine a response there, but it’s harder than you expected.)

TG: listen dude ive got a few things to tell you

TG: gotta be straightforward about it alright

TG: im deeply in love with you

TG: that sounded so stupid can i try again

(you stare at the screen for a few seconds, but it still says he’s idle. so you close your eyes and think up a reply (“EB: wow, dave! you are being so stupid, but i guess so. :B”) --

it works okay. better than the first time, you suppose.)

TG: i love you

TG: more than a friend

TG: and you always had this block about homosexuality or whatever

TG: that was the stupidest shit

(EB: don’t patronize me, dave!)

TG: but it was always part of who you were

TG: so i guess it never really mattered to me

TG: i got used to you being a closeted homo

TG: a closeted homo who didnt know he was being closeted

TG: you locked yourself in a closet you fucking loser

(EB: if i’m a loser, so are you!)

TG: so i just held back from telling you my feelings

TG: but now im feeling empowered

TG: like a woman at the gym

TG: breaking a sweat

TG: that was one of my worst metaphors

(EB: none of them are ever good, dave.)

TG: but thats it i guess

TG: that the just of it

TG: im totally in love with you

TG: hands down bro

TG: would be macking on you left and right

(EB: you don’t need to go any further!)

TG: i mean if i werent a gentleman

TG: which i am egbert

(EB: yeah, sure you are.)

TG: i would take you to dinner first

TG: cant kiss a ladys virgin lips unless youve given her a meal beforehand

TG: or we could go see a movie

TG: maybe both

TG: your taste in movies was always shit but

TG: you always smiled so wide when you watched them

TG: showcased all of those pearly whites

TG: i always loved those buckteeth though

TG: especially when youd bite your lip with them

TG: your little concentration face

TG: you usually did it when you did the windy thing

TG: it was adorable

(EB: don’t call me adorable! i am so not adorable, not at all.)

TG: and i guess

TG: the biggest thing here is

TG: im head over heels in love with you

TG: i always have been

(EB: you’re such a dork.)

TG: and if you were here you…

TG: you would

TG: probably

TG: call me a dork

TG: i guess

TG: but then you would maybe say you love me too

TG: and that would be pretty fucking grand let me tell you

TG: but youre idle so

TG: maybe youll get back to me later

TG: ha

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB

ectoBiologist [EB]is an idle chum!

TG: <3

**Author's Note:**

> THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL THERE IS, IF YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED MY FRIEND I AM SORRY.
> 
> Well I'm not sure how good it was, but I thank you for reading even if it was awful!


End file.
